Good News!!! www.therandallmay.com is now active!! (Blogger will be DISCONTINUED)

Hi Guys & Dolls! Thanks for the love! I'm pleased to announce that www.therandallmay.com is officially up & running. PLEASE SIGN UP & COMMENT THERE AS THIS SITE WILL NO LONGER BE UPDATED. Check it out. Enjoy!

It's a Celebration Bishes!

Hi Guys and Dolls! My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I just thought about someTHING. Last year on my birthday, AND the previous year, I did not GET LAID (translation: no smashy-smashy). I’ve been getting Birthday Sex since I was 17. Yes, I am a Scorpio and we usually have a high sex drive (Horny A$$es! LOL) SMH! Hopefully this year, I get some on my birthday, because this is absolutely ridicKulous…To go three birthdays in a row with no d*ck!  It’s D*ck Deprevation!


Aaaaaargh!


Friends, Followers & Fans, please show your support; keep me in your well wishes (I won’t say prayers; due to the subject matter being fornication  #dontjudgeme). Hope that I have a blast on my birthday. It’s been 6 months and I need some fireworks in my life. Thank you for  reading and have a good ONE…. for me.



Mazel tav!!

Bollywood Vino Flow...#OhNo!

Hello Peeps.  As you know, "Randy" has been on a self-inflicted hiatus...For the most part, mainly from involvement in Ratchet Activities or just plain old Tomfoolery...

So far, so good!!! And of course I have to celebrate!

It was a Friday night and I went out, solo, to my favorite Wine/Tapas Bar. What better way to unwind after work, for the night, right? I had a rough day and I just wanted to have a glass of vino and relax.

I sat the bar for a little while and unlike a "usual" night; it took awhile before any one came over to introduce themselves. A few stools down there was a Indian guy, sitting by himself. He looked as though he was headed moreso for the sports bar, than a nice wine and tapas joint.

He didn't say anything to me at all at first... Until, in walks his "friend slash coworker", who immediately seemed to be a "natural" social butterfly, walks up to me, introduces himself  [Rudra-Hindi for "Remover of pain"] and his friend. Not only was  he charming, he was very effin' attractive!!! I was suprised at my attraction to him because normally I'm attracted to dark skin and/or black men. He was definitely a man of color; he was from India. He had a slight Indian accent and he was very "Americanized". He said he lived in Detroit when he first moved to the U.S. That was very apparent because certain things that he said seemed, uhhh, "urban" [black] but in a "proper" way. He was 5 years older, somewhat grey, a sh*tload lot of fun and very conversational; I enjoyed his company. I also found him "Finer than a MF".. I wanted to know more about him and see more of him...

Now his friend, on the other hand, even though he said he had been drinking since 4 p.m. (8 hours),  seemed uptight and "on edge" . He kept criticizing the uniforms of the bar staff and other things. I found him quite annoying actually, yet I remained cordial, because he was friends with the one that I had interest in....The funny thing about him is that he seemed like he was developing an interest in me...and I was, uhhhh NOT....but he definitely made sure my vino stayed topped off, and I loved that. He started talking shit about someone who was parked in  a Honda, in VIP Valet, then the starts ragging about "Some asshole on the Porshe Boxter"...Turns out it was Rudra's whip, and he was low-key about it, which I found this quality in him, Very Sexy...

So after an hour of hanging out, Rudra wanted the three of us, plus "a friend of mine" to hang out, at the beach. My go-to homegirl was on a date, and his friend Kashtkar [Hindi for Annoying], had stormed off in a drunken daze, so we decided to go, to an exclusive beach, on our own. He drove me to my car, and I followed him.. 

Since I don't know this mofo, I didn't ride with him as he requested...After about 20 mins, we arrived at the beach. We took full advantage of the amazing amount of moonlight available that night.  We walked on the beach for a while; talking, laughing, gazing.  AND YES, I definitely wanted to give him the business, but I didn't.  I remained a f*ckin' lady! We did kiss, often. I found his his kisses to be soft, sensual and sweet. I held back my tongue,  hell, we both held back...for whatever reason. He had me both physically and mentally turned on and #turnedup.  I think we held back to keep it "sweet'. He invited me to the ocean.  I obliged.  We walked in shallow waters, and he led me deeper. I didnt want to go, yet I felt safe in his presence.  The waves were starting to crash and I wanted to come in closer to shore,  he calmed my nervousness...and then.... a big ass
wave came, thew me off balance,and he fell and went underwater. I lost my favorite pair of flipflops just that fast!. Shit! Rudra wanted to go in and get them for me. I asked him not to because it was too dark and unsafe. I actually cared about him. I was feeling him and I didn't want him to accidently drown over a pair of dayum Nike Sofsoles. I ain't shallow! Shit!!!

We laughed it all off and walked back to our cars. We kissed a little bit more and talked a bit. Since he lived a little closer to the beach than I, so he invited me to his place to shower, and perhaps spend the night. It was after 4am. I wanted to but I didn't want to spoil the moment.  I'm very aware that he knows his Porshe is an Instant P***y magnet, but for me , it takes more than that.  I have higher standards now and I don't just smash,  even when I know I can. I demand/want more.

Sidebar: I was told by one of my "advisors" that if I wanted to be a hoe, I should be very particular about where I choose the men from; I.E. don't just choose someone at a club/bar, choose someone from say, like a library, or bookstore, etc...By the way, I'm not an Aspiring Hoe. Liberation does not make you a hoe. And I visit bookstores and libraries often, to read/buy the books, not to prowl for men...SMH

He wanted to spend Saturday AND Sunday with me, but that night, I wouldn't make solid plans. He felt that "I wouldn't let him have my weekend". I will admit, he did pique my curiosity, but I chose to play the BS game, that I was taught to play "to get the man you want, you can't be too readily available". I waited and I called him Monday, around noon and left a message.  I don't know what happened,  maybe the "moment" had passed,  maybe I should've kept true to my feelings (I really wanted to see him more & sooner. I don't know....I won't force it,  but I would absolutelty love to see him again. We shall see...Time will tell...Yep, I'd definitely "curry" that MF... And see what that Tantric be like... ;-) Yesssss! SMH.

Quick Link to Older Posts.

Good evening!


Here's a quick link to some "Oldie, but goodie" posts. Please be sure to follow and comment, so that I can make sure that you all are entertained and informed. I'll be back with a new blog post soon, kiddos!!! Thanks a bunch! Muah. 


http://therandallmay.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-02-10T10:55:00-05:00&max-results=10

And that is why YO Arse is single. ...

If this article benefits you & comment on HOW?

http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2013/06/27/how-do-you-attract-the-people-you-want/

Funny Sh*t

http://therandallmay.wordpress.com/2013/08/02/the-worlds-top-10-best-diy-swimming-pools/

Shell Nawwwl

Greetings!! Long time, no post...

I’m currently on hiatus from a few things right now and DATING is one of them! My last date, in this swelteringly hot month July and it was a definite dud, however I still believe in love, faith and sane men. I certainly wish my Love Life was as hot as these Florida Summers, but I digress…Let’s get on with it, shall we?

It was a beautiful Summer Sunday when I went on what I now know to be my last date of my fourth POF (Plenty of Fish) Season. The “lucky guy” was JR, which he preferred over his “presidential” birth name, Jackson. He hails from “allover, mainly Florida", as he put it…This should’ve been my sign to RUN, since the mofo couldn’t even pinpoint where he was from, among other things, which I’ll share later. He lived near Orlando, and was eager to meet me, so much so that he tried to during one of his work trips to my city, which is only a few hours away. This guy was 36, never been married and no children…Yes, this SOUNDS great to a woman like me (at least the no kids part, because I feel that some divorced men are Diamonds in the Rough), early thirty’s, never married, no kids either, but I must admit, most guys of the same description seem to be a little, shall we say, “Bat Sh*t Cray-Cray” or crazy as defined by Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crazy) I decided to give him a shot, because he seemed decent, based on our conversations. And he also sounded (and looked, in person) older than 36…so I assumed he was mature and couth…

We decided to meet at a restaurant, of my choice, since he didn’t know the area well. I chose a popular, local diner, with great food and affordable pricing. Although I love me some fine dining, I’m mindful of where I chose to go, especially the first date, because I don’t want to come across as a Lunch Slut or Dinner Whore. If he chooses to take me to a high end spot, I’ll surely eat, I’m just not going to suggest it, simply because a 5 Star Personality supersedes 5 Star Dining any day with me.

Admittedly, I was extremely late, due to an issue too silly to discuss, even with him. I finally arrive and he’s standing outside, looking down at his phone, to compare my picture online to the real-life me, and goes “Yep, that looks like you”. Uhhh, really? Not so subtle are we, eh? I noticed as he spoke he had a tooth, that was the color of an egg-yolk. It explained why he had no pics online smiling open mouthed though…I wasn’t going to focus on that, instead I wanted to see what kind of person he was (and bad “toofus” can be fixed, just ask me!)  Anyway, we briefly “Church-Hugged” and went inside the restaurant. After being seated, he complained a lot about the menu, stating that “since the restaurant is so close to the beach, I was expecting more seafood…” I was a little irritated, but I calmly stated “You should’ve asked me to pick a seafood restaurant then”… Sidebar: Ladies, if a man is having issues with something as uncomplicated as restaurant choice/genre, RUN (hell, keep gym shoes in the trunk for this..lol)! Every single (no pun intended) time I’ve had a date that began with indecision on the man’s part, the date wound up being a dud. I’m not that picky, but hell, if you can’t do a simple task like pick a restaurant/food genre, your decision making skills suck …The sole purpose is for US to INTERACT, nevermind the food! “A 5 Star Personality supersedes 5 Star Dining any day with me.” 

Anyway, the food arrives and I think it’s delicious. I asked him about his “personalized meal selection” of blackened salmon and cheese grits. He says it's alright, while eating the meal faster than Usain Bolt running on steroids. WTF? We make small talk during the meal and since we both love the beach, we decided to go after our meal. I figured he can’t f*ck this up…or can he? SMH

We both drove a few blocks away to park and be closer to the beach. As I walk towards him, he hands me an opened umbrella, but it wasn’t raining. What in the complete f*ck? I should’ve passed on it, but he “didn’t want me to get too hot”.  Uhhh, it’s the beach, in Florida, in July…smh! I’m walking like a dayum fool, talking with him, while under my own personal USP: Umbrella SPF Protection. He looks at his phone, and blurted out “This lady gets on my God d*mn nerves”. Wow!! Naturally, I had to, uh, ask  “Is everything alright”? He said yes, and mumbled something about her ("a lady from the office")…Mind you, I rarely talk about work on dates nowadays, especially in that way… He’s also making comments of how light he really is in comparison to the darkened complexion of his face and arms (mind you, I'm still darker than he). I guess it must be all of the contracting work and unprotected beach walks that keeps him, so tan, eh? But who gives a sh*t, so I change the subject and ask him if he has any siblings. His response, with a straight face was “Yeah, my daddy loves P**sy, I got a whole bunch of ‘em”. WTF2, squared, to the second power!!! I was taken aback and nervously stated “Wow, Ohhh kay”…

We continued to walk on the beach, he’s picking up shells and I followed suit, umbrella in one hand, shells in the other. He said he likes to "make things with 'em". I guess he can’t let all of that Contractor talent go to waste (*eye roll*)…He suggested we get going; since I had to meet with a friend to help her with wedding duties and he had to “drive to Tampa, for a contracting meeting with his brother”. He planned to do all of that, and be back home that evening. It was 3pm, he lives 2 hours away from me and I live 3 hours away from Tampa, so you're talking 5 hours minimum driving time. I guess he has an airplane too…Nope, no airplane, just a toilet, to put all of this bullsh*t in…

As we’re walking away from the beach, he suggests we go to get something to drink. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on an alcoholic beverage after dealing with this clown. There was a Crab Shack within walking distance so we headed there…While complaining about the 3 post structure of a beachside high rise condo, he tosses the handful of shells he picked up on the beach, onto the sidewalk/entryway….Oh, Hell Nawwwl!!! I could not believe what he just did! I asked him why did he do that, he replied, “Oh, I didn’t really like any of those anyway”.  So I guess this he is the “Catch & Release” type. In my mind, I could not wait to get that cold DRANK!!! Yikes! 

We walked on the deck entrance to the restaurant and as we approach the door he goes “Ah, Ah..come on let’s go, the drinks in there are going to be overpriced, and plus I got all of these contractors I gotta pay, let’s go to the convenience store”. Apparently he was looking to go get a soda, and I was looking to get a drink. I’m going to pause writing because I just died here…I’ll be back shortly…Please come to my funeral, thank you!

Aaaaaaargh!!!!

Okay, I’m back. Yes, this MF just did that and I agreed to leave and have him follow me to the store, since I know the area. By this point I was obviously having an Out-Of-Body experience, I was being way too nice considering what just happened. I should’ve cussed his ass out and/or parted ways. In disbelief, I drive off toward the nearest gas station. I thought he was following, but apparently he was not. I missed his previous calls due to my phone being on silent. As soon as I called him back he goes “Why you ain’t picking up the phone”. I reply “What? My phone was on silent, I didn’t hear it, why would I just NOT pick up the phone”. He said that he went over to McDonald’s to get a “drink” and he was going to go ahead and get on the road…(or maybe his invisible private jet, if he can scrap up some leftover pennies for jet fuel) By the way, he drove a newer Black Mercedes Benz. Maybe a downgrade in vehicle could free up some spare dating change, eh? But I digress…

He said that he really enjoyed meeting me and he looked forward to seeing me again. I said thank for taking me out, have a safe trip. Now you know, I obviously did not want to see his “Bat Sh*t Cray-Cray” ass ever again, in life or death…lol He called and texted me a few times over the next few days after our hellacious date, however I did not respond. At this point, I’m so glad that I deactivated my POF account before I met him and that I closed out this dating season with another experience for the books. I’ll admit, It’s been an interesting ride, Randy’s is done with the “BS Bus”. It’s time to get FOCUSED, and quit looking for HIM. The final story remains unwritten, however I will return with a few more past tales soon. See you later, Sweets! Smooches!!!

Had a fantastic date? Now what??

Good evening! Although it may seem like I may be slightly "ratchet", I am trying to do my best to find someone to settle down with, all the while taking advice drom some of my guy friends and other guy sources. Why??  Because we chicks don't know sh*t, only guys really know about guys...This is not meant to offend because I know we all mean well, however, the best advice I've ever received about guys have been FROM actual guys! They have the actual, uhhh, "equipment", so if you've got a couple QUALITY guy friends/relatives, go to them and make sure you get as much information as possible. I happened to run across an article that I would like to share with you ladies out there: Have you ever had a great date and the guy disappeared on you or never called back?  Here's a possiblity on WHY... http://bit.ly/18aqPol

http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-07-25/guy-talk-why-you-never-heard-from-me-again-after-our-amazing-first-date/

La Secuela (The Sequel)

So...I have been advised by a friend and counsel that I must "deal" (my words) with Keith a second and perhaps third time in order to avoid the "hoe label" and return to being seen as the "cool chick". In my mind, deep down to the pits of my soul, from the top of my Pituitary Gland and the bottom of my Medulla Oblangata,  I am screaming "Noooooooo". He made some valid points; If you have sex with someone one time, they could just see you and say "oh yeah, I hit that" or "she's just a l'il hoe". Also sometimes the "first time" can be bad or awkward, because of nervousness, etc. It's not just about having sex one or two more times, it's about going out and hanging with him like on a buddy basis, and maybe throw in a little sex for good measure . I've never been approached with this situation before however I've made my decision on what I'm going to do. I'd like to hear some feedback from you. What do YOU think I'm going to do and what made you come up with YOUR prediction?

(By the way, after looking at a picture of Scarface, I think Keith looks more like Tony Montana than Ray Romano...Yikes!)

Salida Rápida (Quick Exit, Non-Fuego)

As you know "Randy", is I am affectionately called, is usually on the Latin scene. Unfortunately I'm going to have to take a little hiatus until I figure out what TF to do about a little situation.

Wanna know what happened??? Of course you do....

Well...I went to two Latin spots and I ran into a guy I met on the scene that I haven't seen in awhile. I only know him as Keith, a Colombian man in his late 30's. He has a very strong accent and also looks much older than his age. I guess you could say he looks like a poor man's Ray Romano. He's always very social and it seems like his goal is to buy me as many drinks as possible and talk my head off.

He doesn't really like to dance. Sometimes he comes with a friend that's a pretty good dancer and I dance with him too. He always says "I'm not a dancer, I'm an engineer". I usually state "What does THAT have to do with anything?" AND of course he replies back with his rebuttal... Not in a mean spirited away though. Usually when we dance he's constantly spinning me, while holding a drink in the other hand. If he could he would probably hold a cigarette in that same hand...SMH. By the way I really dislike smoking but he's fun so I usually go outside with him for him to take a smoke. I tend to risk my lung health for people that interest me. Maybe one day I'll get a medal for it who knows...

Since we were at a cigar bar, we went to the side where guests smoke . We sat down and chatted as usual. Even though the act and smell of smoking grosses me out, I could smell his cologne through the "smokescreen" and it smelled really nice. This night he had his cigarettes on the table. He said he just bought the box the day before. Dayum regular Marlboros! I noticed half of them were gone. I told him that I really don't like smoking and he should probably quit. He said he can quit anytime. I took his box of cigarettes from him and ask if I could throw them in the garbage and he said "Okay, I quit for you". I took the remaining cigarettes and tore them in half, put them back in the box and threw 'em in the garbage can. That was easy....

We left out afterwards. We were in the parking lot . He was like "Let's hang out some more; I can get a room or you can come to my place." I said let's get a room" (because the likelihood of getting kill't is significantly lower...You know, in case he wanted to murder a b*tch lol). I don't know, I figured maybe we could chill... At 2 a.m. in the morning... I have just only chilled in a hotel room before... I can see y'all right now,  rolling your eyes while you're reading this. SMH!

We talked for awhile and then we wound up having sex. I wasn't drunk or anything so I knew exactly what I was doing. I was conducting an experiment. I wanted to try a Hispanic man out. I didn't like this one..NOT fuego at all.I wouldn't say that ruined it for any other Hispanic guys since this particular experience was not appealing to me. I think it's because he's older lookin' and he was smallish... I know the saying goes "It's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean", but dammit, a little dinghy can capsize like an MF. I really don't like to waste my "stuff". Maybe next time I'll aim higher, for a Mario Lopez lookin', more endowed type and hope for the best ...to close out my Experiment Files. Damn, does that sound shallow!? SMH

Sorry, I know I went out of order so let me backtrack to the "Walk of Shame" Morning After, uhhh incident...

I woke up feeling awkward as hell and felt that I needed to just get out of there. I could hear him snoring loudly so I figured he was in deep REM sleep. At this moment I felt like David Copperfield because I had do a serious magic trick on his ass! I summoned my Inner Magician to get out of the bed, grab my things quickly and quietly to make a mad dash for the door without waking him. Check out time was quickly approaching... Oh man, I had to haul major ass!! I grabbed my shoes, purse, glasses and clothing however couldn't find my underwear, so I crossed my fingers and hoped that he wouldn't do anything crazy with them. I quietly walked toward the door and I looked in my purse to make sure I had my keys. I was able to get dressed while I "hid" in the area where the bathroom was. I quickly reached over, removed the safety latch and unlocked the deadbolt. I opened the door and hauled ass as quickly as I could in five inch platform Madden peep toe pumps! I knew the sound of the door woke him. I went straight to the elevator and did not look back. I got in my car and I hauled the most major level of ass-hauling I've ever the done in my life!

I could  still smell his cologne and smoke in my hair and on me. I could not wait to take a shower!! I knew I left my draws but I didn't realize until I got a text from him at around noon that I forgot my charger also. I guess he didn't find my draws, eh? I never responded to that text nor the one he sent to check up on me, asking "Are you good?". He also called too. I utilized my Magical Call Ignoring Powers. I guess he's holding onto the charger for me. Don't worry Buddy because I'm not going to try to link up with you to get my charger; I'm trying to avoid you! Not your fault you did nothing wrong...Sometimes you just gotta go... So now I'll be in hiatus mode. Now that I know which two spots he could be, I'll just avoid them for a little bit. If I see him I'll judge his demeanor and if he wants to speak I'll speak and be "normal". If he acts weird, I'll just will ignore him. He seems to be a mature guy so I'm assuming that he will at least say "Hello" when he sees me...The LAST thing I wanted was for something to go down that would affect my being in the Latin Scene. Oh well, so much for that!! Time will tell...

Cuban Culo, NOT Papi Chulo (En Inglés: "Cuban A$$hole")

Well as you may know,  I have been into the "Latin Scene", due to my newfound passion for Latin dancing... I've been approached by guys of different ethnicities to dance,  mainly Latin guys, and because I'm not rude I usually  oblige ;-). I've been "collecting" numbers here and there but 1 one really caught my attention.


One nite, I came out to dance as usual. There's one guy (James, who happens to be Chocolate) in particular that I really enjoy dancing with such that we text each other often, to meet up to dance. I show up to the club  before him and a guy of Hispanic descent came over and asked you to dance. I usually don't refuse dances, (the more the merrier), however I wasn't so eager to that night...He had to pull me out... Once I started dancing with him I noticed that he was really good and he was very cute. So afterwards we sit at the bar he offers to buy me a drink. Now usually I love partaking in Adult Beverages, but for some reason when I go out Latin dancing I'm more into drinking water than drinking alcohol. He bought me a water, I'm sipping and then suddenly to my left appears my usual Chocolate dance partner. I felt very awkward because I had to socialize with the both of them and dance with the both of them. I kinda felt like they were in silent competition because they never spoke to one another. So when the Chocolate guy was dancing with someone else, the Hispanic guy gave me his name and number. I planned to dance with "Jay" again soon.  I danced with the Chocolate guy a couple more times ,we chatted a bit and then parted ways.


Over the next few days I discovered he didn't speak English too well. He would text me short phrases, however it was very apparent when he called me. Yes it's possible for me to dance a few times with a guy and he not speak much but I just thought he was the shy type. was asking me to come out to dance and I obliged. We went to a new spot. It was  authentic as hell, meaning that there were a lot of Latino people there. I couldn't really get into the music at first; the DJ's spins seemed to be sporadic and influenced by Crack . While we were sitting and having drinks, he writes on a napkin his name, Javier ("Jay", as I knew it) and he handed me the pen to do the same. Yeah, I did that. He looked at it and smiled. After a while we were doing a lot of Meringue, Bachata, and a little bit of Salsa. We left and didn't want the night to end so we went to 1 of those 24 hour breakfast spots. He wasn't that hungry, so he only had café. I had café and a BLT. Our conversation was nice and light. He told me he was 30, from Cuba and had been married for 4 years. He lived in Miami for a while and came up to Jacksonville to work (truck driving) Even though there was the language barrier I was breaking out my old Spanglish words and being very patient with our conversations. I looked over at his phone and saw that it was in Spanish mode....Po' Baby.
After we finished we still wanted to spend more time together. Since we were nearby the beach, that's where we went to. We walked for a little bit and then he said "I want to  dance with you". I'd never danced on the beach before and it was so much fun. It was kind of romantic too...very fuego! I think we were out there an hour, but after that we had to go. He walked me to my car. We talked for a few minutes and he just gazed at me saying "You're very beautiful", while pushing my hair out of my face. The energy felt natural and we wind up kissing and seriously making out. I don't remember for how long but after that, he said he want to see me tomorrow (perhaps for cinema or maybe more, uhhh, besos) We said bye and parted ways...

For whatever reason we didn't link up the next day. On occasion I would have thoughts, wondering what sex would be like with a man who doesn't speak a lot of English, especially a Latino man (wink). I wonder what do they say during? I know that sounds weird but hell, don't judge me because some of y'all were thinking the same thing too...Anyway, later that week he called me and asked me to go out. It was Good Friday night, before Easter. I was working late and I had a long day ahead of me so I told him I could go but not stay too long. Although it was late, h said he was getting his haircut and he had to go home to take a shower after.  No biggie because I had to do the same. I was waiting on him to contact me back and I by the time I contacted him again it was already after 11pm. When he answered the phone he said "Not tonight bebe, I'm very tired and sleepy". WTF??? ¿Uve-Doble Te Efe?


Needless to say, I gave this culo The Ax. Cut TF off! I ignored his texts and calls. I'm sure I'll see him out at Latin Night and when I do, he will get brushed off there too! And this is why, as the saying goes, "you don't eat where you sh*t"....Yeah I know there might be a language barrier, however I know when somebody is trying BS me. I don't do bullsh*t or toro mierda, due to my allergies to bullsh*t.  Soooo Adios, Enemigo. Dueces en Español!!

Things ARE bigger in Texas (First Online Writing Submission)

Good evening! 

I'm enjoying writing and blogging much more than I expected. I did an online submission tonight, where I had to write a story using Peterbilt Trucks as the subject, and of course you know it has "Randy's Touch". I hope you enjoy it!

One day, while driving down to Miami for a party, I experienced car trouble. Unfortunately, I didn't have Roadside Assistance, so I stood outside my 97' Mustang, hoping someone would come over to "rescue me". It wasn't long before man driving a Peterbilt Truck, pulled over to help. He seemed very knowledgeable about Mustangs, of all things. We even discussed what color I should paint my Mustang; I considered a deep, burgundy red, he preferred the "standard factory red". His energy was so comforting, that I almost forgot about the issue at hand: fixing the damn car! We laughed about our differences in opinion and addressed the car problem. He said " There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works." I laughed and agreed. I explained that I was having trouble steering. Turns out my belt needed to be tightened. He was able to quickly work under the hood and fix the belt. His charm was absolutely infectious. He was quite the character: Tall, handsome, very "Southern" and funny.

We chatted for quite a while. He said he was from Texas. I gazed up at his tall, statuesque physique, and for a moment, I thought, "Wow, they DO, make things bigger in Texas, I see". I said, "You better get going before I make you late and get you in trouble with the boss". He said, "Oh, you don't have to worry about that, sweetheart, my great grandaddy was Mr. T.A. Peterman, so they don't bother me that much. I drive, because I like it, not because I have to". He gave me a light kiss on the hand, tipped his hat and bid me adieu. I thought, "Well knock me over with a feather!"

I took his number and we parted ways. I look forward speaking with him again. You know what they say, "Peterbilt's red oval is a familiar symbol of quality, performance, reliability and pride." And honey, from the looks of it, they weren't lying!

Chocolate Thai: The Addiction

Chocolate Thai; noun; A highly addictive strain of cannabis sativa, popular in the [past] 1960's and 70's,  however today [present] regarded as "commercial", or not as potent...

Where do I began? This one was (is) so addictive!

I'm the beginning of Year 2 of my "Sexy-Single Phase" ( formerly "Dating Hell Phase")... Not speaking it into existence, however, if things continue in the same direction, I will be on Year 3... It's sort of a Double Edge Sword, although I don't like it,  it gives you the reader more to, er, enjoy...;-)

It was Saint Patrick's Day and I was hanging out with a good friend. Although I'm not even close to being Irish, I love to partake in the "festivities". We went to a very eccentric part of town,  for a street party. We had a nice time and left to go to a club.. Why oh why do I keep going to these "dayum" clubs? Maybe it's the hot guys, music and the drinks? Maybe it's because I like to dress my best and show off my assets? I don't know... Surprisingly I was very casual, simple hair and light makeup, a shirt-dress, fishnet hose and flat shoes. **Ladies I'm going to let you in on a little something-something that I've learned from other men, in case you don't already know: Most of the time we dress up for each other. 9 times out 10, heterosexual men don't give a crap about what we're dressed like, they want to know what it looks like, OFF of our bodies. They respond better to us when we're very casual. If you're casual they think you're the cool chick, the wifey chick actually, (unless he desires a "trophy wife" which means he prefers High Maintenance )...If you look High Maintenance, he's going to size you up and see if you can afford you. If you dress too sexy then you're deemed as the club chick or club slut...Hey, it is what it is....

We weren't there that long before I was approached by a tall, dark chocolate, and handsome young man...with a beautiful smile...And you know my Kryptonite is chocolate skin and a nice smile! He was very friendly. He made sure to introduce himself to me and my friend and he also introduced us to a friend of his. He was talking a little bit about his business too and he gave me his card...Reggie Thompson. Hmmm... I can't remember majority of our conversation due to his "fine-ness" and the potent drinks. Hey, it's "Irish" in me...lol 

I can't remember who called who first, but I definitely put that business card to use. I was definitely thinking about was "giving him the business", but of course I wanted to get to know him first. We never "officially" went out on dates, however we did hang out a bit. Our chemistry was so great. As much as I wanted him, I would usually push away his advances because I actually liked him. You know how we have to do, ladies.. It's great for him to want you sexually but you don't want to look like a l'il hoe (that's in heaux in French)... ;-)

Reggie and I  we were supposed to do a park picnic. He had a small fruit container with an assortment of strawberries, pineapples, cantaloupes, grapes and honeydew. There wa no, uh, "grape juice", no cheese, no crackers, but we did have bottled water. He'd  never done a picnic before and didn't know what to bring. I acknowledged his effort. He was too cute! I brought my whole picnic cooler, packed with plates trays and cups, a blanket. We found a nice secluded spot by the water where we talked, nibbled on fruit, and kissed. Between eating from the same pieces of fruit, there was a whole lot of PDA going on. I know disgusting right? LOL We didn't want the day to end however, he had to leave to go do something with his church. And all I could think about was sinnin'...
I saw him a couple more times. Let me tell you, it was sooo hard trying to be "good" with this one. Once, there was almost a "Club Parking Lot Incident" and I ain't talking about a club fight either! We met up again at a party, on his birthday. It wasn't his but he was trying to celebrate early. We introduced me to his sister (and he also wanted me to meet his mom, eventually...I was like "whoa, horsey") We briefly hung out, then we went to a restaurant to celebrate more. We decided to go to the beach. I kept a blanket in my car just for the spontaneous beach/park moments... Not like that, I know what you're thinking...Tsk Tsk! And yes to answer your question, IT did go down that night!! *In my Rick James Voice* "Chocolate Thai is a helluva drug!!"

I enjoyed his company as much as I enjoyed him.  Although I'm not into drug use, I think Chocolate Thai is the appropriate name for him because, I just couldn't  (can't) seem to get enough and at times he does seem to have an "older soul" aura about himself. Our relationship was weird. We were not together like that but sometimes he acted clingy. One night, unexpectedly, he gave me "The French" (as in French kiss) in the club. Another night he went off when he saw me talking to another dude I knew at the club and accused me of having sex with the guy and I was not. At times he said he wants me to be his girl or his wife. We never officially talked about "kickin' it" (my term for "sex & friendship situation", "Friends with Benefits", maybe?) but I thought we had an "understanding" that we would just be cool, as is. I'm not sure if he just wants a "Girlfriend Experience" on occasion or what. We talked about all kinds of sh*t, but this is the one thing we missed thoroughly communicating in. He's going through this phase now of "Feeling Himself", meaning the attention he's getting from others, is now going to his head. I liked the guy, however I don't like his new arrogance. I'd like to see the same humble guy that I met in the club last year... Well you know what they say "Money & Fame doesn't change people only reveals who they really are..."

Oh well, one day I'll learn about trying to find my husband in the "dayum" Club! SMH! Pretty soon it'll be Saint Patrick's Day again. Maybe I'll find a local pub, where I'll run into a nice Irishman, or any man at this point because skin tone doesn't matter so much. I'm at a place n my life where I'm very open, and willing to receive who The Universe sends me...Welp, Chocolate Thai withdrawals are The Pits!!!...To be continued...

Which blog entry do you want to read first?

Good evening. I'm going to leave it up to you the reader to decide: I have two blog entries I'm working on simultaneously. Which 1 would you like for me to post first?? "Chocolate Thai: The Addiction" or Black Ken Doll?

To blog, or NOT to blog?

To blog or NOT to blog?

That is the question...I find I ask myself this, DAILY. Even though writing is very therapeutic and cathartic, I actually do it mainly for you, the reader. Whether or not I know that you're reading my blog doesn't matter, however the fact that you're reading is an awesome thing. It fuels me to write more. Today, I'm at post #11 and at times I feel like I'm blogging too much, too fast, but I digress! This, I do, for YOU! Enjoy!

Today I heard a blog radio talk show about relationships. The participants made quite a few valid points, such as making sure you're ready to "receive" a relationship, while not being fully dependent on the person for happiness. They touched on a topic that really resonated with me: "If you're a large percent "business" [minded] (over 50%, I think), then you should not be in a relationship". Wow! I really took this to heart because I know I'm a very business minded person, such that I think I drive people away. NOT drive away in the sense of I having many enemies, but I don't allow people to get too close to me. I'm friendly, but I still have a wall up. I'll let you see just enough to like me, but not enough to love me. I've been loved before more times than I've loved back. At times I feel my singleness is my punishment, for allowing single-sided love into my life...I love love and I also fear it. My defense mechanisms are strong. "Submission" is possible, yet hard to obtain from me...I believe that there is someone out there for me. I cannot give up. I refuse to "Wave the White Flag". I will not surrender, despite my plights and challenges...flaws and all!
Recently, I was talking with someone about working hard to achieve goals and being single, simultaneously. We both agreed that it causes an imbalance. We both long for someone to be there, at home for us, at the end of a long stressful day; That "someone special to talk to who will make us be a better version of ourselves and a shoulder to lean on". He even asked that I call him on a daily basis, and work towards being his girlfriend, no excuse me his wife...again!  He says he loves me, although we never "officially" dated...(He likes to move fast, eh?!) I like him, but he's young and there are certain things that I don't like...which I'll get into that later. I think I'll just keep us "where we're at", for now. I don't want to complicate things... anymore...I still have a little bit more blogging & living to do...;-)

** One more thing, in the future, I will refrain from calling my experiences "Dating Hell"...
They are my "Men-oirs". I will govern myself accordingly! :-)

Mr. Fiasco, without the Lupe

I was still in year 1 of my "2 Year Dating Hell Phase", when I decided to cut my hair, significantly shorter. I didn't do it to be all "deep and symbolic", I just wanted a change. Afterwards, it seemed as though I started to attract really tall men...Not just tall, but "NBA Tall". I've never been the type to be attracted to extremely tall men, but hey I'll try anything once, you know....

One night, I was at a local bar, alone, having a drink. An extremely tall, 6'7" to be exact, guy came over and sparked conversation with me. I guess you could say he was "Pecan Tan" (because CARAMEL has been so overused in my blog I think Google is going to start charging me for usage!). He had a low haircut and dark rimmed glasses. He was like a young tree, that I wouldn't mind climbing. He sort of looked like a slightly cuter version of Lupe Fiasco (Not my typical chocolate suave/debonair type, however I find him attractive). We exchanged numbers and he walked me to my car. He lived downtown, so he said he was walking home . Side note: He did have car keys, so I breathed a sigh of relief. I'm allergic to men in my city without cars.

We talked on the phone for a few days. The conversations were light, but good. I was surprised that for him to be so cute and innocent seeming, he was actually a probation officer, Brandon Jameson. He wanted to take me out, but the timing was bad. He was set to go home to New York, for over a week, to see his family for the holidays. 

During his long drive home, he called me a few times and we had a nice conversations. By the way, I am a sucker for a New York accent, by the way! Sometimes I'll just ask random sh*t, just to hear 'em talk. Although he was looking forward to seeing his family, he was really looking forward to seeing me when he got back. We chatted off and on until he made his way back Down South.
Fast forward, he's back in town and now comes the "Date Plan". He wanted us to have a sushi dinner. He had a habit of watching (stalking my Facebook pictures, and following my random Twitter thoughts) my social media profiles. One picture in particular, caught his eye. I decided to wear the outfit,  but switch it up a little bit, just for him. And put on some 5" platform heels, just to accentuate my legs, and get closer to him. ;-)

We arrived at the restaurant and he looked really nice. He had that debonair, NYC style dress code, "Photo Shoot Fresh" and damn, I wish I had a Nikon camera!  He looked fresh out of a Giorgio Armani window:  Pea Coat, Scarf, Nice Boots, Jeans. A well dressed man is a such turn on!
We chatted more and I was surprised how enlightened and intelligent he was. I hate to say it but normally, with younger man, I expect only a tight body, not a deep mind..Hey, an "old girl" like myself will take a peek...while I still have decent vision...Anyway, we finished up, then left.

He wanted to go to the club, downstairs. Normally I don't like clubs, but I went for him. He bought drinks and by the end of the night, I had 3 drinks total and he only had 2, dark liquor, plus the beer from the sushi restaurant. He seemed okay, at first...
He started to become more loose and very affectionate. He kissed me a couple times. His lips felt soft like cotton pillows. I love "the touch, the feel of cotton". It is indeed the "fabric of my life". He was dancing a lot too. I don't know why, but I have a funny feeling about really tall people dancing... I'm tempted to call 911 because it seems dangerous... I made an exception since we were having a ourselves good time...

We decided to leave and by then my 5 inch platform heels were getting the best of me. I asked him to "carry" me to the car. He picked me up, then he fell and dropped me! I was mad but I laughed it off...By now he appeared tipsy and he wanted to go out for breakfast....Hindsight is 20/20 now but...I decided to drive us to breakfast...We get there and order our food. I was looking at him and his whole "Northerner style", trying to stay focused. I quickly went into Focus Mode when I noticed he stopped talking back to me...I look over and this fool was asleep!! WTF??

I'm like "Brandon, Brandon, wake up, wake up" for a few minutes. I sat beside him, pinching him, and gently stabbing him with a fork. This fool was knocked out...AND snoring AND slobbering! WTF½ & a half!??? I asked the guy from the couple next to us to help. He couldn't get him to wake up either. I said if he doesn't get up please help me take him to the car. My phone was dead so I was trying to use his, so that I could call a friend of mine to come help. His phone was locked, and I was getting more irritated! I asked a waitress to bring some cold water. As soon as she brings over the cold water, he snaps out of it! Ohhhh, so now you want to snap out of it? Ol' selective a$$! 

We go to check out and he was being an a$$. He didn't even tip the girl. I felt bad because I had no cash on me and I wanted to tip her badly! I apologized profusely and we left. I drove him home and he asked me to come up! I am completely out of WTF's! Fool, don't nobody want your drunk a$$ d*ck!!!! Ugh! I said goodbye and left him. I arrived home and realized he left his glasses in my car which meant that I had to see this fool again!

I called the next day and kept the conversation very basic: "I have your glasses"...blah blah yadda yadda... I was nice enough to offer to swing by with his glasses  because I was going downtown that night. He was cool with that...

Later on I get a barrage of about 4 long drawn out "prepared" looking texts stating that he got a blood & urine test...Yes that's right on a Saturday! He said he barely remembered the night before and he knew he got way too drunk off of a few drinks so he decided to do a test to "see". He said that there was ketamine in his system. I'm not going to call him a liar, but who in the eff do you know gets drug tested on a Saturday?? After that convo I did not speak to him again. I'm slightly disgruntled because I wanted to do a "test study" experiment to see what the big deal was about having sex with a very tall man. Oh well...too bad the roots of that "tree" were faulty! I'm not worried, I'm sure there'll be another "tree" to come along, for me to climb. I may run into a "Sequoia" one day. And when I do, I shall climb that one, with 5 inch platforms on. ;-)

"Wine Mess", not Fest

Here we go again...I'm still on Year 1 of the infamous "2 Year Dating Hell" Phase. It seems to me that many of my interactions/dates have went on during the first year. I'd say the best thing about .my misfortune is that it fuels my writing so that I can share with others for their entertainment. Consider these stories the "Rainbow after the rain storm"....Enjoy!

Ahh, yes...back to where we left off... I must warn you, this story is not has humorous as the others, so bear with me. Since I started writing it, I have to finish it... I'm not a quitter!! :-)
I was attending a Wine Festival, for the second time with a good friend. We enjoyed the libations and chatted with quite a few people. There was an older vendor, Brad Cramden, whom we chatted with the longest. He said that he was headed out to meet some friends for dinner, and invited us to meet up afterwards. We exchanged numbers. My friend was ready to go home and I wasn't. We parted ways and I headed out to a nearby bar, by myself. Brad met me at the bar, after his quick dinner. We conversed for a little while and agreed to go elsewhere. He took care of the check, and we left. He definitely was not my type, physically, but he was entertaining and nice.

We went to a cigar bar lounge and had more wine. He wanted to hold my hand and kept saying  "See see how good our hands fit together". What??? Really? Somehow we got on the subject of children and he told me about his daughter, who happened to be just a few years younger than me. Yes, that's one hell of an age difference between us,  but for some reason I agree to go on a date with him the next day.
We met up at this restaurant at the beach. It had a nice laid back, tiki bar sort of vibe to it. I had no wine that day and I had very little appetite. The whole time I was thinking "What the hell am I doing? ; this man has a daughter that's close to my age!" He could see that I was sick, but I also started to feel very awkward. He said, "What's the matter, too much wine last night?" At this point even his voice was becoming irritating; He sounded a lot like a "cartoonish mobster". I shrugged it off and said "No I think it must have been something I ate". I just couldn't "get into it".  He was not as engaging and he seemed to be more concerned about the football game, constantly referring to plays and stats, like I gave a sh*t. He was from Chicago and a huge Bears fan. The date was on a Sunday and I think he secretly wanted to go to to that restaurant for the huge TVs and small crowd...to watch the "dayum" game!
After the game, we ended our night, quickly "Church Hugged", and went our separate ways. I text him to let him know I got home safely. We never spoke again. If I ever see him again, I'll casually speak, and hope he doesn't remember me. Oh well so much for being open minded and trying something different... I'm wondering if "date sampling" will ever be just as good "wine sampling". One can only hope...Here's to "New Adventures"... I'll drink to that!
Cheers & Salud!

NEW BLOG ADDRESS! http://therandallmay.wordpress.com

Hello everyone. I'm exploring WordPress. I'm hearing it's a better blogs site, so right now I will have 2 blogs. It  should be easier for you to it follow by simply using your email address without "signing up"..... NEW BLOG ADDRESS! http://therandallmay.wordpress.com

The Chameleon, "Jackson Pierre" (Or so I thought)

A friend of mine was on this "run" of going out all the time, because of personal reasons... I know that feeling very well! So we will decided to hang out on Saturday night. First, we went to a restaurant  had drinks. Next, we went to this club, that I like to affectionately referred to as "The Dungeon", because it's in a basement & it seems like every other time I go in there, my clothes get dirty. My girl friend joked that I would probably meet my future husband that night & I was looking forward to it.


At the club we saw a lot of the "same old, same old" which is one of the reasons I really dislike going to clubs. It's something to do and a way to meet people. It didn't take long before someone "caught my eye",  because I saw him looking at me numerous times. He was not my "type", but I thought he was very handsome, from a distance. His skin was caramel, he had a goatee, a very very low haircut, he was 6'1" and fit. Eventually he made his way over to me, and looked at me again. I said "Hey why, do you keep looking at me, do you like me or something?". He said "I think you're pretty". My response was "Are you shy, because you seem shy". I detected an accent, he told me his name was "Jay" and he was from Haiti... Interesting... From there we started chatting and we were pretty much inseparable the whole night. He was a "hot commodity", a lot of women were looking at him. A few approached, but none held his attention like I did. He brought me a drink and we hung out a little bit, with my friend. She's tall yet Jay's shorter friend (5'7) was trying to "talk" to her. I don't think he assessed her long legs while she was sitting down, or maybe he didn't care. The poor thing did not stand a chance....


We finally left and Jay walked us to my car. We left and when I finally made it home I text him to let him know. He called me about noon and we had a nice chat
Over the next few days there were calls & texts between us. Although at times, because of his accent, he was quite hard to understand. He seemed really nice, intelligent, hard working & sweet. He loved talking about his kids, (2 girls and a boy) AND especially his daughters. I was thinking damn, my friend is may be right I might have just met my husband... I take a size 7 and a half ring, by the way....;-) *Giggles*


Our conversations were nice. He seemed genuinely interested. He wanted to hang out soon and he suggested Friday night, we stay in and watch a movie on Redbox at his place. #PumpTheBreaks!!! (See overtime my listening skills have sharpened. I pay very close attention with what a man "leads with". I remember him saying that he would be off for 4 days straight, for Christmas starting Saturday. So since we're playing this game, no sir, I will pass on your "Friday night Redbox" and I will take Saturday night!!) I suggested since we're just getting to know each other, how about we go OUT on Saturday. He asked me what kind of food I liked. I said Italian. In my opinion, based on his suggestions, he must not don't do dates & courting  that much. Now some may say I was being too picky, but I didn't want to just go to any run of the mill type of Italian restaurant, I wanted to go somewhere nicer not necessarily expensive but nicer than a "Chain, fast-food type Italian restaurant". We agreed to try new spot....


Saturday came and we met up at the restaurant. He was looking really good; just plain scrumptious! He had on a tan sweater, some blue jeans and tan boots. If I had some gravy and a biscuit I would've sopped his ass right on up! Dinner was nice. Good conversations were flowing and so was the Martini! The food was delicious, I just forgot to ask for a biscuit and gravy... to dip him in. We were having a nice time and we wanted to hang out more.We decided to go bowling. Although I really suck at it, I like to bowl, plus I haven't done it in awhile. It was his first time bowling and he did really well. From the outside looking in you'd think we were a couple, lots of affection; hugs, but no kisses yet...because I'm such a f*ckin' lady!


Neither one of us wanted the night Afterward he wanted to go hang at his place and go get a Redbox movie. (What is it with him and this damn Redbox obsession?...smh!) I was having such a good time. I agreed, AND I did alert (text) 3 of my friends where I would be going. I texted them his address and everything, just in case he (Jackson Pierre) was trying to murder a b*tch. You won't chop me up buddy and get away with it, no sir!


We went to his condo,& he let me know that he had 2 other roommates, but only 1 was there. To each his own but I'm not a big fan of dating a man with roommate(s), but hey you gotta do what you gotta do. He had told me he was divorced and his ex wife took everything, his BMW and the house, and he was starting over. Since I liked him, I wasn't going to be judgemental of his situation. We watched the infamous "Redbox movie" and had a great time laughing and talking. He seem to be very passionate about his children and also about his country. He wanted to return to Haiti, to help his people and he claimed that he was related to a politician or 2. He also talked about one of the biggest issues she has with meeting women, is the only seem to want to have sex, and nothing more so I guess that makes him guarded. He told me he shared a lot with me, and he normally doesn't do on a first date or with anyone for that matter.


For some odd reason, he decided to show me his debit card. The name on the card was totally different than the name he gave me. WTF? Let me get this straight, for over a week you have given me a name and we've had thought-filled conversations, then all of a sudden, I get your real name...NOW? I thought we had something going here but again that's what I get for thinking! He said that he uses a different name because of the situation with the women that only want sex. Now this leads me to believe that he probably is having sex with these women. How do you know that someone only wants sex if you're not having sex with them? Man, this fool has probably has been "poking" more chicks in real life than people do on Facebook! So I guess it's safe to assume that he goes to clubs meets women and bangs them, regularly. Nah, buddy I'm not gonna be 1 of them. I'm not going to be your "Dungeon Booty Call", have standards with my booty, thank you very much!


I don't know why but he called me the next day. I missed his calls, not on purpose. He sent me a text that said "You just not serious about anything". Okay, so yo' ol' lyin' ass gone tell me I'm the ONE that's not serious??? He called me one more time and didn't even mention me that nasty text. I immediately addressed it and told him that I don't like that sort of thing sent through a text (that's that....that's that sh*t I don't like!). If you got something important to say to me, say it to me on the phone or in person. Needless to say we didn't talk again....


I'm sure I will return to The Dungeon again... If ever see him again, hopefully in public, I'll call him by his real name, with a big smile on my face. I'm trading in my "biscuit and gravy" for a handful of salt... and I'm "throwing that salt right into his game", baby. Let's see how much "poking" he does then!

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Website up! I know it's a cheap one, but something is better that nothing. (PS New Blog coming soon!!)

www.therandallmay.com

The Gambler (No Ace, No Spade)

The first thing I noticed about him was THE smile...I am a sucker for a beautiful set of pearly whites (although I have an unnatural obsession with beautiful teeth and I've been told I have a nice smile myself too)...This beautiful smile just happened to be attached to a man who worked at a gym I was joining. I found him funny & flirtatious. He had a personality that some would see as overwhelming or "extra".  He wasn't my usual type; he was caramel complexion and a little plump ("thick" but "smallish"?), but you'll see here, sometimes I make "exceptions"...Anyway he set me up on a good membership plan  and eventually asked me for my phone number... so that we could hang out sometime. He was a "natural born salesman type" so you know the spiel.. I obliged...*Giggles*

We communicated back and forth, infrequently (mainly texting). He was not consistent about calling. I can't blame the age difference (I'm a few years older) because I've had guys that were younger call me more frequently. I don't sweat it when they're like that; I just treat them as such...
Time passed and I'd see him here and there at the gym. He would come over, talk and joke with me but he eased up significantly on texting or calling. Eventually, one day he said to me "When are we going to hang out?" My response: "The ball is in your court"...We agreed to hang out that Friday. We didn't have any exact plans because we would be hanging after he got off work at 11pm. Normally after 12 a.m. meetups are "BootyCall-esque", my word for something relating to Booty Call Activity, but not in this case. I could only see him this night/time because I had a 3 day work project coming up that week.

We were supposed to meet up in the gym parking lot; That was quickly changed, by him, to meeting up at IHOP, in the parking lot. (So are we Parking Lot Pimpin' now??) We met up at IHOP, I got in this car and then he went to the ATM. He told me he wanted to stop by a friend's house "real quick" to gamble, and hang out a little bit. What in the entire f*ck"???! I was like, okay, whatever, but in my mind I just couldn't believe what he just said...#TwilightZone

He stopped by his friend's house and called him about gambling. He wanted to "flip quarters" but his friend wanted to play Madden. Since they could not come to a gambling agreement, we left. We were supposed to be heading to the Pool Hall, but he had one more stop, the house of "a friend he hasn't seen in awhile"...Okay, now it's going on 1am. WTF² squared to the second power!!!!
We stopped at the friend's house, the lights ARE on, yet he called the friend, and he says he's not home. By then, I felt the need to be loud [ig'nant] in the background: "How is your friend NOT home and the lights are on?" Aaaargh! Calgon, take me away....

Finally we get to the Pool Hall. We walk in together and he walks off from me to say "What's up" to some guys he knew. After talking to them for a few minutes, He comes back and says that one of them is related to an NFL football player. I said "Oh really, I didn't know that because I was NOT introduced..." Now I am NOT an ugly chick, quite a few men would be proud to have me on their arms, so I don't understand why he felt the need to just "forget" that I was there...

Finally we got to shooting pool... As usual he continued to speak sexually related talk, (His conversation became very limited.) At one point, when it was his turn, he "conveniently" turned his cell phone towards me and on the screen was a video of him masturbating... I looked at it and was grossed out, he laughed. The WTF's are now WTF³ cubed to the third power!!!
Obviously, by then I was ready to go! Time was winding down and his friends came over and decided that they wanted to try to regain his beaten high score on the punching bag game. I said I was going to the bathroom and as I was walking I noticed that money was stacked up on a table. This fool was gambling on the punching bag game!!! WT-IDK??? I went to the bathroom, when I came out I walked towards the door to walk out, he came behind me and hit his remote to open the car door. Sooo basically he [car door unlock sound] "boop-booped" me!! At this point I am completely out of WTF's!! I have absolutely not a single eff to give!

Soooo, we're riding in almost complete silence with the music playing. We get back to the IHOP parking lot, I get out of the truck to walk to my car and he asked me, "So when are we gonna go out to eat?" Okay I must be slow here because this mf just asked me when are we going to go out to eat and we're in the parking lot of IHOP!!!! I said "I'm good". He said ,"Let me know you made it home safe"...I "Church-Hugged" him and left.

I get home, I text him "home". He responded, "So, I guess you wasn't feeling me tonight". I responded "I'm just used to something different, and no I'm not a lesbian" (earlier he jokingly accused me of being a lesbian because I wasn't so into his sexual advances/conversation).
Days later I get approached by him the gym. We have a mutual person in common, a client of mine, who is the wife of his boss at his other job. He was like "Why did you tell her what happened when we went out.l? You should've just said you didn't have a good time and left it at that"...Lol, he doesn't KNOW me very well because I say what I wanna say, even when it comes to clients. We have that kind of relationship. We be confidin' n' sh*t...Lol

Side Note: I'm not going into detail because this blog is already pretty long. Turns out this guy had a chick pregnant while he was pursuing me...He already has a child to (a boy, that was he told me about)...
I'm not much of a gambler, but I do know in gambling, you have to "Know when to hold'em and know when to fold'em". Needless to say, I folded that that ass! "Origami Style", baby!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj4nJ1YEAp4&feature=fvwrel

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Mr. No Admission (VBP Very Broke Person, not VIP)

So, I'm on Year 1 of being "Sexy & Single" and trying to embrace it; going on as many  dates as I can, and talking to different men. One of my good friends advised me that it's good to "talk to different guys", because it "makes you witty". Dating aside, I'm a pretty witty chick. I am quite verbose and very sarcastic; a sh*t talker, of sorts. Hell, if I got paid for my mouth, I probably wouldn't have to work as much! Speaking of talking, I talk a lot, in my business and I deal with people often. I am a confidante, a "Keeper of Secrets", if you will. I'm also a friend, and with that comes perks, and I love me some perks, baby! One of my clients, who was a bartender, always hooked me up at the lounge she worked at. I liked to frequent the lounge, "bar chat" a little bit and also mingle.

Most of the time, when I was approached, I didn't have mutual interest in the men there. My client always introduced me to people also. There was one guy in particular, a promoter is his twenties, "Cedrick" or "CK", that I thought was was "kinda cute". I say "kinda" because unlike most women, I'm usually not attracted to extremely tall men, however he had what I like to call that "10:30pm black" skin and a low fade. (By the way, I have a chronic addiction to dark skinned men; it is not life threatening, so please do not recommend a cure, thank you! ) Dark skin, low haircut; 2 out of 3 ain't bad...;-) Anyway "CK" seemed really interested in me and eager to take me out.  I told him we could go to this Art Walk event the following week. He said he wanted to see me sooner. It was a Saturday night and I already had Sunday night plans, by myself. I suggested we go together to this ahhh, er, ummm, Erotic Poetry event, and he agreed to go. I'm joking around for blogging purposes, but I seriously suggested this to him. Some people think that might be a little bit too much for a first date, but I don't. Going to an erotic themed event does not automatically mean that "erotic activities" are going to go down and I don't need to go to an erotic themed event to be motivated.

Well it looks like we had a plan. We were going to the Erotic Poetry event on Sunday and the Art Walk on Wednesday, and who knows where else after that... Sunday morning we chatted and he wanted to use his "promoter super powers" (yes I just coined that term lol) before we went out. He wanted to arrive early, so that he could network, and perhaps get us in for free (with his "promoter super powers", bwahahaha). I'm very business minded myself, however I could care less about whether or not he could get us in for free, and I wasn't trying to throw shade on his hustle, I just wanted to go to the event.

Fast forward to the event...I arrived well before he did. I waited on him an hour, while sitting with a couple I knew, chatting and being a nice little "Third Wheel". "CK" finally texted me and I went outside to meet up. He had a very puzzled look on his face and said he was looking for someone. Mind you, I had already paid my admission, no problem and I wasn't going to wait around for him to find this "mythical person". I told him that I would be sitting, on the couch by the stage... and he can come join me when he finds who he's looking for...30 more minutes passed by and I texted him "Hey where are you?". He replied "I'm home now, but I will see you at the Art Walk Wednesday". Say what?? Let me get this straight, you left me high and dry and you didn't tell me that you were gone AND I had to find out through a text? Ummmm, no the hell you will not be seeing me on Wednesday!!

By the way, I had a great time at the Erotic Poetry Event. I got "mad love" and compliments galore from both men and women that night because I had my (*Kanye Voice*) swagga on 100 Thousand Trillion (at the time the word "swag" was still cool to use, so don't judge me! lol). I was looking and feeling Grrrreat, so "CK" was not even on my radar anymore!

Needless to say, days later, he continued to call me and I refused to answer his calls nor respond to his texts. I returned to the lounge Saturday for a Comedy Show. He spoke and asked "What happened to you?" I was like "Oh nothing, I'm good" and I paid my own entry, AGAIN. This ol' magical promoter didn't even offer to "pay" my admission, to make up for that stunt he pulled.. I found out later that he and the promoter he rode with got into an argument, so they left together. That's right, this fool rode to the Poetry Event, in the work van, with another promoter...smdh. Oh, I thought WE were supposed to be on a DATE...That's what I get for thinking! My Bad!!! Ohhh and I almost forgot, another little tidbit, (he didn't go to the Poetry Event because..."Dun-Da-Da-Dun"... He did not have the money for admission and he could not find someone to let him in for FREE. Basically "CK" paying for his own entry/cover, anywhere, is Mr. SuperPromoter's Kryptonite. So instead of getting the VIP treatment I received the VBP (Very Broke Person) treatment! Oh well, I guess Fergie's Daddy said it best; "If you ain't got no money, take your broke ass home". Ahhh, the perils of being a janky ass promoter...*False Sigh* ;-)

8 Hour Date/ "Reverse Booty Call"

Ahhh, yes! I knew that title would get your attention! Well let me take you back to where it all began....

Summer of 2011... I met a guy from one of those dating sites, "Raoul". He was not normally my type of guy, yet I found him interesting and his conversations refreshing. He was a chef, by trade, and had his own little business(es) on the side. By his admission he worked a lot... but somehow we managed to meet for a quick lunch date that went into 8 hours, and it was awesome! We were in one restaurant for 3 hours, talked in the parking lot for 1 hour, had drinks at another restaurant for 2 hours, went to a bookstore for an hour and back in the parking lot talking again an hour. Whew! *These times may not be accurate to the T, but when all was said and done we had spent 8 hours together, nonstop conversation! I liked the guy and I wanted to see more of him. The problem with "Raoul" is more than likely he was a Player (or maybe *Montell Jordan voice* a wannabe player). I don't see how two people who live in the same city don't spending that much time together. Tons of excuses about us being "too busy". Speak for yourself, Pat'nah! I may be busy, but I make time for those that I want to see, who WANT to see me as well. Needless to say I didn't see him again until one time in 2012. I went out to a local pub, and I checked in/posted online. He saw it, then met me out there. It was cool, but not the same as our first encounter.

Over time, he started to pursue me a little bit stronger. I guess "What had happened was..." nothing else panned out in his Player World and he came back to the "Sure Thing" (moi) or he must've had more free time when he went into business for himself, after leaving his chef jobs. I don't know...
Anyway, here's what "took the cake", for me.. He called me out of the blue and wanted to take me out. I guess I was being "short and curt" with him and told him "Let me look at my appointment book and get back to you with my availability". By now, my interest from 2011 waned. I was under the impression that he was going to surprise me; perhaps with a dinner prepared on the beach since he wanted me to dress really casual for our date. When that day came, he called me said "Bring your clothes for work tomorrow with you because you're staying with me". WTF?? Excuse me, WHAT in the ENTIRE eff?? I'm thinking "Dude, I have never even been to your house before and I'm supposed to go over there, bring clothes and spend the night". I kindly declined and offered him the opportunity to take me out again. He suggested some places that were far below the quality of places we went on our first date. I wasn't gonna be snooty about it, I was gonna go. Hey who knows, maybe he wanted to keep it casual...

Needless to say we didn't go because I had to work a lot later than I planned, so we moved it to the next day. On the next day I texted to see if we were still on and asked where will be going? He texted back he's not really feeling going out; he wants to stay in and play pool. I said okay will you be cooking? He was like "Nah", so my response was "Let's take a rain check". He said "Right" and never contacted me again. So, I said to myself...I get it, this dude tried to turn me into what I like to call a "Reverse Booty Call". A RBC is when someone really wants to make you into a Booty Call, but they try to pretend like it's something else, i.e. "dating interest"... With that being said this dude obviously did not want to date me and he just wanted to use me! My thing is, we are both adults, so if you want a Booty Call, or you'd like to make Booty Call Arrangements, don't be beating around the bush and sh*t, be polite and just ask! I will take your query into consideration. You want to know my response, in this case? Nah, Pat'nah, I'm good! I don't want YOUR booty anyway!! I got options! SMDH! ***OMG! Update! One month later, I get a message from Raoul, using a popular phone app...It says, casually, "What's going on?" I get the info on it. It was a GROUP message that went out to 63 other different women too!!! What an #@$$hole! I did I sent a polite message back: "Hi ladies, all 65 of you. :-)" What's going on NOW, pat'nah??.....lmaoooo

You gotta start somewhere...

Randall, "You gotta start SOMEWHERE", that's what I keep hearing. Let's start with today....

Soooo, I decided to take up a little hobby; Dancing. Although I love music, people that actually know me, know that I rarely dance, at least not in public... ;-) I decided to do so because I love seeing couples formal dance together and I would like to do the same....especially once I get a man! You'll notice I don't do things to "get" a man, but I kind of sort of like to include one in my activities; One of my many quirks...I'm a big "Corn Ball" and a hopeless romantic! I love love and implied love...which is something I really see with couples dancing.

Anyhoo, I started the Salsa class one day (fun but not much to talk about) and then I wound up doing the Argentine Tango and Cha-Cha on another day. I enjoyed seeing the variety of people, and analyzing them, based on their backgrounds and skill sets. Some can really dance their asses off, yet none of the others seem like me. I am like a butterfly, hold me too tight, I'll break; hold me too loosely, I'll fly away. And with dance I'm just about as self critical, and very controlling as I am with dating: Thinking too much about perfection, instead of just being "natural"; always moving ahead of the man, my partner and not allowing him to fully lead. Damn, dancing is a lot like life; some people are very easy going and they just glide & go with the flow; others are a lot harder to conform, especially when there's structure and rules involved.

Side Note: a male friend of mine told me that I am very "curt and short" with people. He said I'm "friendly" but I won't let someone completely get into my world...He joked that I would be the type to have sex, have an orgasm before the man and then say "It's okay, we can try again tomorrow, gotta go, bye!"...Lmaooooo, I do NOT think I am like that!

Day two we started off with a slow dance, the Argentine Tango. That dance requires a lot of waiting and feeling the movement of the man/lead. You know OBVIOUSLY I didn't do that well with that one (with my controlling ass lol). I kept wanting to jump ahead and not really be "led".  Although it took me dancing with the Tango instructor to get the solo pivot part, that seemed to be where I excelled better. I hope this is not a sign...*Deep Sigh*

Also, I noticed something when we constantly changed partners during the Cha Cha. I danced with some really good dancers, both men and women. Although some of the people I "met" for the first time, I could tell who was really confident, who was shy, who was controlling and also attractions. Confidence is very sexy to me, and I felt a lot more comfortable with the "confident only" men versus the "controlling confident" types. Some were shy, some fun, some wanted me to focus on the steps, and they didn't turn/spin me as much, some seemed as eager as a kid waiting to open their Christmas presents when they got to me. There were a few nice looking guys, one in particular, the Cha Cha instructor, who looks just like an ex of mine. Every time we danced, I tried everything in my power to not look at him in "that way". I'd look over at him and it seemed as though he was "looking back". (PS I'm already thinking ahead...Wouldn't it be cool if I dated a dance instructor? Hmmm...) He made a point to introduce himself after class and offered a chance for us to practice together 5 minutes before my next class with him. Maybe he's just being friendly/helpful, maybe he has "The Hots" for me....Either way, it doesn't matter. What do you think I'm gonna do?? I'm going to show up early to the next Cha Cha class, with a smile...AND, I already have my heels picked out...;-)